Dan is The Man. Therefore, I am A Fan. This premise and conclusion, albeit an incomplete conclusion given the lack of a secondary premise, are very important for y’all to consider if you want to understand the following announcement:
Hella Grip isn’t just proud and honored at the moment. We’re bold to announce that Dan Barrett will represent the Hella Grip brand for our very first Signature Pro Homie Grip…aka Promie Grip!!! This is more than a signature colorway, folks (Sorry, Jake…love you). This is a whole event. Dan was directly involved in the brainstorming, design, and fine-tuning of his own signature grip image, which has never before been used on a sheet of Hella Grip. We’ve produced 2000 sheets of Dan’s grip to be sold through select retailers and HellaGrip.com. Some of that will go towards promotional endeavors and some will of course go straight to Mr. Barrett himself. We’re even putting together a special Promie Package with extra goodies to sell through our Web Store. This is a limited run, so get your grubby fingers on a sheet while you can!!
Of course, Dan will receive a percentage of all his sig grip sales so he can buy a Lamborghini Diablo one day (or at least to pay for a nice air-freshener to put in a Lamborghini Diablo…I’d go with a fear-scented freshener).
Dan was selected for the first edition of Promie Grip as a result of my reasoning above: He’s The Man, and I’m A Fan of said Man. So, perhaps it’s fate or pure coincidence that Dan chose to base his signature design around the World-Famous Philly Phanatic. However, most of you will probably figure that it’s only fitting that Mr. Barrett would choose such phillific imagery because he’s also a world-famous Philly native (I just made up “phillific” but I’m sure you get it. Not to be confused with “phallic”…that’s awkward. Although, the nose on the Philly Phanatic is a little phallic). Either way, we’ve all known Dan since Day-1, so it really does feel right to award his unbelievable riding-ethic with this tiny little token of our respect and admiration. Dan even took time out of his busy schedule to visit the Hella Grip HQ in Oakland, and filmed some epic clips for a Promie Grip Release Video, which will be released with the Promie Package before the Holidays.
I don’t think this Promie Grip is at all necessary to validate Dan’s status as one of the most enduring riders of our generation: The 1st Generation. It’s merely another nod to a Homie who’s greatly advanced the entire sport through the advancement of his signature riding style. The other Hella Grip Homies figure that a rider with such notoriously fancy footwork deserves to have a special sheet of Hella Grip for gripping those fast ‘n’ fancy feet. Moreover, Dan has proven to be a selfless member of society through his willingness to embrace local community kids at a time when many upscale riders reject the opportunity to connect with the youthful shredders, just because they may act like a gaggle of rabid geese hungry for flesh and bread crumbs at times. I think it’s about time we recognize and reward such selflessness. So even if you’re not a Fan of the Phanantic, you can still be a Fan of the Man that is Dan… I know I am.
Congratulations Mr. Dan Barrett! You’ve gone and done it again!
If your boy had to pick one word to describe Homie Jake Sorensen’s riding style, he’d go with “colorful.” I’m not trying to say Jake’s style is overtly flamboyant…it’s, more or less, visually-captivating-enough-to-the-point-of-ocular-overload-esqe, if I may say so. Since I AM saying so, I will also say that Hella Grip has chosen to award such dedication to colorfulness with a Jake Sorensen Signature Colorway for our Hella Classic grip.
This is HUGE, folks!!! 1200 sheets of Mr. Sorensen’s signature colorway sheet will be produced and sold through select retailers and HellaGrip.com (.co still?). The release of these sheets is meant to represent Jake’s transformation from a lonely, disgusting caterpillar to a beautiful, blossoming butterfly, in terms of skill-level and most importantly: Attitude!
Though this may not be a signature “pro edition” sheet of Hella Grip, the signature colorway should be taken just as seriously, which is why Jake has chosen a serious-looking shade of RED for his sig colorway…How bold of him. The red may be meant to mirror all the blood he’s shed while filming for his Hella Grip video (which is soon to drop). OR, he may have chosen the same color to match his very first car that he just bought (Craigslist…clean title!!!). I like to think he chose red because Santa Clause is his hero (maybe…most likely…yea, definitely) and Christmas is right around the corner. Either that or because Jake is seriously devoted to the Bloods gang in LA……He’s got mad respect for the Crips too, so don’t hate a homie.
I’ll say it again: “Don’t hate a homie” and support Jake Sorensen by purchasing his signature Hella Classic Colorway. Jake, of course, will receive financial compensation from Hella Grip for his sheets…even if we don’t sell ‘em all, ‘cause we’re kinda nice like that. Personally, I voted to give him one lashing for every sheet that didn’t sell. Apparently, people have rights in America these days to prevent such physical abuse. Here’s to the death of the good ol’ days, and to the welcoming of a brighter, colorful future: Cheers Jake!!!